Breaking Free From Purpose
My plans created a feeling of purpose.
But what if you can break free from the constraint of having a purpose and ask yourself what you want?
After finishing high school, I knew what I wanted to be: a spy. Yes, I am aware that this might sound silly, or possibly even outrageous, but this is what I wanted to do. I have no doubt that I romanticized the idea of what the life of a spy meant, but it sounded exciting and fulfilling. So, I joined the Navy. I worked through the six months of waiting to go to basic training and then it happened. My career goals came to a halt with a medical discharge during the first day of basic training. I still remember having to make the calls to my loved ones. I still remember that feeling of despair and confusion. I remember coming back and asking myself, “what now?” I was always the one with a plan. While my career goals shifted from veterinarian in early high school and then to spy, what I knew is that I found comfort in a plan and the feeling of purpose. My plans created a feeling of purpose.
…I became a therapist through chance
The question that is constantly asked in my field is why I became a therapist. Some people have really great answers, like they wanted to help people or that they are wounded healers. This answer never seemed appropriate for me. It didn’t fit why I became a therapist. If I am being honest to the person asking, I would answer that I became a therapist through chance. You see, when I came back home from Illinois to Georgia, I felt a sense of insecurity about my future. I felt that my sure plans were gone, and my financial security that came with a life in the military vanished. I began working on my bachelor’s degree and when I finished my Bachelor of Psychology, I only knew I wanted to continue with psychology. Without any intention of a certain track, I began looking for programs at colleges locally that I could continue my schooling and still work. I happened to come across the Mercer family therapy program. “I happened to…” So my true answer to why I became a marriage and family therapist is because it was local, accessible, and fit within my field.
What if you can break free from the constraint of having a purpose and start asking yourself what you want?
Purpose, destiny, fate, predestined plans. All of these feel great if we feel we have them. But how do we reconcile this if we do not? As a therapist, I often hear from clients that they do not have a purpose. My answer is generally simplistic: why do you feel you need one? In high school, my purpose was to help sick animals. In later high school and early college, it was to help the government help others. And after I came back from basic, it was unclear. Through my experiences and education as a therapist, I have found that purpose is a concept that often adds pressure. At times, it can be motivational, but if you feel you have no purpose, it is simply an expectation that you or others have placed on you. Rather than asking yourself what your purpose is, begin asking yourself what does purpose give you? Because what if you can break free from the constraint of having a purpose and start asking yourself what you want? What happens when a search for purpose turns into a search for fulfillment and exploration of your capabilities? Purpose is a choice. If we believe that our purpose is to be a teacher to further educate students, we at some point choose to follow this path. If we believe that our purpose is to preach our faith, we at some point choose for ourselves to follow these teachings. Purpose, then, becomes less of an inherent pathway and more about what creates lasting meaning in our lives. It becomes intentional living that results in satisfaction and realization of ourselves.
